I haven’t said much about my pregnancy on social media. Everyone in my ‘real world’ knows though. It’s pretty hard to hide the obvious with my growing tummy ;) But the idea of posting a ton of photos online, and having more people find out scared me.
It’s because a year ago yesterday, we found out that we were having triplets. When I started spotting I called the OB, and they got us in right away. The ultra sound tech didn’t say much as she completed her exam. I pretty much knew something was wrong by her lack of expression. But the way our nurse practitioner entered the room to go over the results, set the hard truth in stone for me. She asked if I was taking fertility drugs, to which I said, “No.” My heart sank. “How many?” I asked quietly. “You had triplets.” She replied.
Had….That word took a few seconds to sink in.
I was just exiting the first trimester, and thought I was in ‘the clear.’ She started saying something about delivering at home versus a D&C. I wasn’t really paying attention. Just in disbelief. I know miscarriage is common, but I was pretty shocked it was happening to me. In fact, you hear about it all the time. It’s different when it’s you, I guess.
By the next morning, it was all over. I laid in bed, crying my eyes out, and feeling alone. I missed them. I struggled with the fact that they weren't there anymore, and wondered how it was even possible to miss someone you’d never met. But I did.
The next day, life was on the move again, errands to run, bills to pay, a family to take care of. I drove around town checking things off my ‘to do list,’ and crying the whole time. I felt so empty and alone.
But even with that deep since of loss, I knew I was blessed. Having Cole there to cuddle and kiss was a relief. I don’t know what I would have done if it hadn’t been for my sweet little boy. He and Jay helped to lessen the pain, and I know I will see my three little angels in Heaven one day!
Now we have another precious angel on the way. It’s a little girl. I’m 31 weeks today, and can’t figure out why God has been so good to us! We can’t wait to meet her, and hold her, and shower her with love. I love feeling her little kicks and movement, and especially love when Cole comes up to rub my belly and ‘kiss the baby.’ Thanking God today for all of His blessings He has provided our little family!